YOU SAID:
The voice starts off at the beginning, I feel like it should have a buildup before the vocal kicks in. The voice isn't that great, could be higher pitched and have more rhythm. The lyrics aren't that clear and catchy either. It could have potential, but you need to utilize the vocal or instrumental better.
INTO JAPANESE
声が初めに始まる、ボーカルが出番前に蓄積が必要のような気がします。声では、偉大なより高い音域があり、もっとリズムをではないです。歌詞ないことはっきりと覚えやすい。それは潜在性を有することができるが、ボーカルや楽器の良いを利用する必要があります。
That didn't even make that much sense in English.