YOU SAID:

I once flirted with my lizard who promptly went to the liquor store and made an asshat of herself

INTO JAPANESE

私はかつてすぐに酒屋に行って自分のことを嘲笑したトカゲといちゃつく

BACK INTO ENGLISH

I flirted with a lizard who once went to a liquor store and laughed at myself

INTO JAPANESE

私はかつて酒屋に行って笑ったトカゲといちゃつく

BACK INTO ENGLISH

I flirted with a lizard I once went to a liquor store and laughed

INTO JAPANESE

私はかつて酒屋に行って笑ったトカゲといちゃつく

BACK INTO ENGLISH

I flirted with a lizard I once went to a liquor store and laughed